aiyomikeo

So let's talk about yesterday (although I just want to say this blog is slowly becoming my emo corner/venting corner hah) I went to go walk my dog because I always do and I just felt jittery (I literally was shaking and felt like I had to move or I would die) when I started walking corky, I began to feel very EMO I mean really emo I started tweeting and facebooking my feelings of sadness and I didn't understand why. It was SOOOO weird haha I was like omg I need to talk to Kevin Lou right now because he's the one I can talk to about how I feel. BUT currently I can't reach him nor can anyone else. I'm afraid of what this means and I hope that Kevin's alright. Josh said something that I don't want to mention, afraid that it was true. I believe that Kevin will be fine and I will see him after summer. But something in my mind kinda tells me that there is something is going on with Kevin and I have to find him. *sigh* what do I do?

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Haven't posted for a while so I'm just going post how I feel right now:
I just had a spat with my mom and it was a really bad one. It started off with the usual argument starter: what are you going to do for college? I get complacent and mutter stuff like I'm going to do this and stuff and she gets frustrated at my "lack of commitment" to my future. And this, my friends, is where I begin to lay it on her. I told her I do some research on my interested careers and tell her what I know. Apparently she doesn't like that answer and she goes what about the website I sent you? I tell her it was confusing and she goes omg you don't have any motivation towards your future! And this is where I get pissed. I tell her hey, I do things to make you happy, but I can't even do anything that's makes me happy?! She denies it, but we had this convo before, I know what she's after. She knows I'm mad, she acts all why are you mad? And we basically loop the entire convo again. I then bring up my eagle scout award and tell he that I did the award for her and she gets upset and says "I can't believe you said that. I'm so disappointed of you." And she leaves. Apparently she tries not to fit the typical Asian mom stereotype where she only wants me to get eagle for coege. I'm on the verge of tears, desperate to end this convo and my frustration at her lack of interest in what I want. It's like this everyday at my house; always "michael think about your future" or " Michael, stop playing around and grow up." my mom just doesn't understand, she can't expect me just to grow ip immediately and comply. And to burst her bubble, she forced me to grow up years ago when I had to deal with our family situation. I'm seriously pissed off and I want to go break something. This isn't fair; is my sacrifice to make you happy make you more greedy? I'm terribly confused -_-"

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Wow thanks school. All I talk about is how I hate you

Ok so I haven't talked in a while so here it goes: I am done with school. I don't give a shit anymore. I've been running on fumes right now and I don't know if I will pass my aps anymore. I just don't care. =[
Next week is spring break, but the problem with that is that's means that teachers decide to be assholes and give you tests during the week before. Thanks for making the education more gay Han it already is. -_-

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Hello world

So I can officially say that I got a D for my math grade. Woo. Not but I'm surprised at my parents reactions. Typically, they blow off their heads when they here that I do poorly in school and try to rip my head off but something happened to them or something. They were actually sympathetic. I talked to them like adults. O.o
Sorry but I just had to post that. But I'm really glad they understand I mean I'm a good student. Overall I just struggle in math. Well this semester I plan to find a tutor and study really hard. I plan to ask montiel MANY questions during and after class. I really need to buckle down and let myself focus on the more important things. I really shouldve stuck to the idea of not having fun his year. Now I'm just screwing my future by being selfish. I mean I struggled in math with abysmal grades, and I ended up with a D(+) I was close to a c, but I shouldn't be relying on getting borderline grades. I really need to learn how to be more studious.

Peace world. I won't kill myself today.

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Hello world

So last week was finals week (yay!) but I come bearing bad news. I think I got a D in calculus. So I'm pretty much fucked in my future and by my parents. Sheesh. I feel stupid and I need to learn how to study and not get unfocused like right now -__-

On a brighter side, due to my depression, Kevin was the best and took me to finally eat ramen on Friday (YAY!) and that was so bomb. After volunteering, I went to hang out at San Gabriel with Kevin again and ate some pretty bomb Taiwanese noodles. Haha my glasses were so foggy. "/ then we got boba and then hot some bread stuff at this bakery near this place that my usually goes to. I got my damn red bean bread BITCH. Hehe

On Saturday, I woke up feeling better, but still depressed and went to go eat lunch with the parentals and Linda. We went to go eat at Clay Pot and finally got my wonton soup. After Linda wanted to check out Forever 21 and so I went with her to loom at the clothes at the guy section because Brian said they had pretty legit clothes. I tried some of them on and I looked so freaking fresh and I was DAMN. But no money = no clothes so I had to politely put the clothes back after the sales reps told me to hold onto the clothes :(
Then I followed Linda and held her bag for TWO hours. (my feet still hurt). What was sadder was that I saw Taylor, Alex, Edwin, and Lillian at Forever so I felt more embarassed but Linda made it up to me by buying my dbay. (: after comiing home and walking Corky, I went to ashley's birthday and met alot of new people and people that I haven't talked to in a while (kinda) so yea.

As I sit here writing this thing, I feel apprehensive about my grades. What will mom and dad say when I get my report card. I pray to the Higher Being up thereasking Him/Her if they will give me my C in math. Please don't let me become a failure in my moms eyes even more than I am. :'(

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